When things start to pile up....

The new things you've started to help you keep control during those times tend to fall to the wayside, and that's what has happened for a short amount of time here.

I had Easter break where I need to go home and spend time with my family to have a bit of sanity in my life. I had to make sure that I still had my job when I move back home in May.

I had to make sure everything was in order so that I can actually graduate in may(now it is yay!).

I had a long weekend of tech.

I had my final Gospel Choir concert as a student of North Park Which was amazing and exhausting at the same time. Bittersweet.

Throughout all of this, I had this nagging thing in the back of my mind thought to remind to keep taking pictures and keep remembering that God is always there to talk to when I feel like no one is understanding me or no one is acknowledging my existence.

And I'm seeing now that even though I've missed about a week or two from this blog already, that it has begun to do something. Its keeping my accountable and reminding me that things are changing and that I may not like it but it will help in the long run. Its also teaching my that I need to stick to my schedules better and that I need to learn to say no when I feel like I have no time and to not feel bad about it.

In any case, here are some of the photos(that I feel good enough to post here) that I've taken since the last time I've posted here. There not the greatest, but they continue to help me see the good and worth in the world and myself.

Finding light in a period of darkness....

We've all been there. That moment where you feel everything darkening and everything collapsing around you. It feels like it's never gonna let up and you don't know what to do.

This is how I've felt the past two years. I've felt like graduation would never come and that I would not amount to anything. It's been a constant struggle of am I doing the right thing? How is a degree in theatre going to get me anywhere?

This has also made me feel two-toned in life. My dark tone being the one I have with myself. The side that is alone in my room, trying to figure things out by myself, and getting nowhere. And then there is the light tone. The one that tells everyone she is doing great, wanting to help wherever it's needed, and feeling like I've got things in control. 

I finally feel though as if I'm beginning to find the light in dark; beginning to find that one strong tone that doesn't change depending on who I am with. I've begun to realize that when I'm having trouble I can't get anywhere by myself and that I need to "mix it up" and reach out to those around me. And that it is ok not to be completely perfect. This in turn is helping me to be more confident. Knowing that im strong enough to reach out, I can be there for others without forgetting about myself. 

It's a tough line, but if I could leave you with anything, I would say don't try and handle your hard moments by yourself. There are people around that are willing to help, even if you can't see it. If it feels like you have two different tones in life, know that you need to combine those two sides into one strong life. Being able to be the same around others as you are around yourself will help build stronger relationships and you'll become more confident. At least it has for me.

Just take a look at coffee. When the dark coffee and the light cream are combined into one magical latte, it makes the entire thing one strong and delicious drink....

On my table....

My table yesterday was full of things. Full of homework, planning out things for graduation and life, and keeping up with all my tasks at work. 

Trying to plan things out 6 months in advance is a good thing yet so hard because you have no guarantee that the things that are already set in place will stay that way in that period.

When doing all of this though, make sure that you fill your table with things that give you life and sustain you in addition to all of the work that is required of you in school and various jobs.

Take time for you whenever possible.

My Zen....

Today's post(okay yes it's technically Monday but I haven't been to bed yet so it's still Sunday) and prompt was Zen. I was actually able to find some zen when I took a spur of the moment trip downtown this weekend and got to see one of my favorite things: the city of Chicago around 11pm at night....

And then witnessed a proposal(congrats!)

Give....me a break....

Sometimes you have one of those weekends where the end of your week completely sucks dry any joy you have had planned for the weekend. And then you see those you care about deeply enjoying time together without you and then you begin to be really introspective of yourself especially since graduation is near? Yeah... 

The reason why this weekends posts are short and sweet and being put up really late...thanks for those of you that may take time to ever read this or look at my semi-okay pictures taken with my phone. It does mean a lot...

Saturday's prompt was Give...okay so the pictures aren't really of giving but I have my time at work call on Saturday helping build some awesome set pieces. Thanks.

Something White....

It's going to be a short one today because it was just one of those days.

We had an economics professor talk to us today in my senior seminar class about how to put together a budget, save for the future, and pay off various forms of debt(who's looking forward to $600 a month student loan payments??😭😭) so that was LOADS of fun.

Then I had one more class after that and my third class got cancelled so I was able to have a day of doing absolutely nothing. Literally staring at my computer trying to figure out what to do because everything I tried I was bored after 5 mins of doing it.

This post is so interesting isn't it?? Just like my day haha. If you couldn't tell today's prompt was something white so here are a few pictures from that.

And here is the last bit of notes from our lecture on post-college financing....

Don't forget to live your life....

I love...

Theatre. One thing that has come to be an extremely important part of my life. Something that has guided me and held me down when I have felt like I was going  every single direction except the right one.

Today I had the privilege of seeing the first run-through of North Park Theatre's spring show and it was great. It shows just how far a much of us have come and how awesome a show can be when we really put our minds to it.

Most of all, it was just what I needed after today. I haven't done this for two days and I've already had negative comments. And ya know what? I'm doing this for me. Not you. Me. You don't have to read this. And many people never will. But I need this. After a day where the prospect of graduation almost slipped through my fingers and thoughts of going nowhere with my life, I need this.

Theatre is my life. No matter what institutions of our community try to say is or isn't right or what people say, I have theatre to remind me that I have a purpose and that I have to stay true to myself to accomplish that purpose. It's my blood.